michelle caruso cabrera dating - Application permission dating my daughter

idiot wants you to fill out an application to date his daughter in some weirdo language. Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial, job history, lineage and current medical report from your doctor. __________ If NO; explain:______________________________________How fast can you run 40 yards? ________Do you own any of the following; A van __________ A truck with oversized tires __________A waterbed __________Do you have an earring: _______A nose ring? * In 50 words or less, what does DON' T TOUCH MY mean to you? _______________When would be the best time to interview your Father, Mother, and Minister? (That means, I won't tell anyone).* If I were shot, the last place I would want to be wounded is the_________________________________* If I were beaten, the last bone I would want to be broken is my_________________________________* A woman's place is in the ______________________________* The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask me is_______________________________________* In the unfortunate event of my death, I would like_________ to be contacted.* My greatest fear is _______________________________________________* When I first meet a girl, the one thing I notice is her _______________(Note: If the answer to this question starts with a "B," discontinue application and leave the premises; keeping head low and running in a serpentine fashion).* What do you want to be IF you grow up? ___________* Your dentist is ____________________ Emergency Phone Number_______________ I SWEAR THAT ALL THE INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE AND RED HOT POKERS.

However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my , I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you.

Note: This application to date my daughter must be printed out and submitted in person.

Appropriate interview attire is highly recommended. This application to date my daughter must be accompanied by a non-refundable $50 application fee and a $120 security deposit which will be returned if 1) this application is denied, or 2) at the end of the date if all terms and conditions have been met.

Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been.Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. But on issues relating to my , I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Chu Lai.Application is not considered complete until all supplemental materials and fees have been submitted including fingerprints, drug test results, and STD clearance.Miscalculation of fees will trigger a forfeiture of fees submitted.Required recommendations must be submitted at time of application and will be verified.

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