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She’s particularly rude to young pop star Christopher Wilde’s jovial rapper/driver/best friend.

Also worrisome: Christopher Wilde’s mom is a caricature of a “bitchy businesswoman.” By the end of the movie, we were left hoping that Christopher Wilde would just return to Hollywood to find someone to be nice to him and finally escape the paparazzi.

After watching this, we demand a hard-hitting exposé on factory farming!

If the women in Johnny Tsunami are important, it’s only because they are love interests — a prize to be won during a sporting event at the film’s climax.

Even Johnny’s mother isn’t given much power, with her husband and her father-in-law running the show throughout the entirety of the film.

We decided to combine these two passions — feminism and Disney Channel Original Movies — and rank the 50 DCOMs that have left the strongest impact on us through a feminist lens, looking at strong female characters, feminist messaging, and overall quality of each movie equally.

We realize that feminism is a belief system that informs actions, not a scale upon which people or art can be ranked from "most " to "least." That said: In this genre that most might classify as somewhere between intellectual junk food and artistic garbage, there are a wide and nuanced range of feminist messages to be gleaned. In this supposed coming-of-age story, a spoiled rich, young man is condemned to a Montana ranch after being the worst host ever to his kid cousin. This boy is given so many chances to turn his act around.

Or I would blast it into space with a monkey who knew nothing about Horcruxes.

Hermione: Or it could be hidden somewhere around the mundane British countryside.

So, I guess it’s a female empowerment coming-of-age film?

And, Priya says, the boogeyman in this film is “as ugly as the patriarchy,” so there’s that.

Honestly, while we rewatched most of these movies, we couldn’t bring ourselves to go through this terror again, and had a hard time even watching the trailer.

The plot deals with gender in a really weird way, with a helpless female character creating an imaginary male friend who she then has to save.

Some movies were just as awesome as we remembered, portraying male and female characters as equals in every way and showcasing kick-ass women that inspired us as awkward tweens.

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